Wednesday, June 2, 2010

June 2, 2009

The last ultrasound photo I have of Sierra is dated June 2, 2009 - exactly one month before the ultrasound that would show that her heart had stopped.  This photo is blurred because of the lack of amniotic fluid, and it's one of those frontal face "alien baby" shots, not a profile.  It made me cry when I showed it to a friend the day after it was taken.  I didn't like anything about it, but I kept it on my desk all of last June to remind myself she was still with me.  After her death and birth, I put her handprints on my desk in the same place that picture had been, and I put the picture at the very end of her photo album.  I still don't like it - the skeletal face, the fuzzy image that reminds me our placenta failed - but it will stay in the album.  It's the last picture I have of her alive.


  1. I have one of those too. The alien baby one clearly shows the hydrocephaly - the first time I knew something was wrong. The profile clearly shows the cleft lip and palatte. I hate those pictures, but like you said, they are all I have.

  2. All the photographs I have seem to have a similar impact on me. I can't bear to look at them but I could never, ever part with them either.

    I'm so sorry that it was the last picture of Sierra alive. I wish there had been many, many more of your little girl.

  3. Thanks Jen and Catherine. It's hard for some of my non-babylost friends to understand why I hang onto all the pictures, even the ones I don't like to look at. I'm so sorry you both have those sorts of photos too, but I'm grateful to you for letting me know I'm not alone.